Discontent

I remember an airplane. I was lying against the window. Finished watching Run Fatboy Run and done sleeping through 21. I remember looking out the window from several thousand feet in the air, looking down at Greenland. I recall scribbling emotion down on what would turn out to be three pages of paper, telling someone how much she meant to me and how much I was going to miss her. I remember the bright white of snow so far below. The pools of glacial blue water nestled here and there to break of the monotony of purity. And I remember thinking how much simpler life would be down there.
I remember back farther, a modest proposal. A ghost of a hope of a girl with flowers in her hair. A life that could have been so much simpler had it worked out, and we would have gone and never looked back.
I remember sunsets over mosques over a river in the middle of summer. Days and nights that seemed like they would never end.
But mostly I remember looking down from so far above at the blankets of snow. I remember feeling somewhere in those moments that it was all real, and it was over. And I remember hating it. I remember spending a week in isolation, trying to deny it, to prevent moving on. I recall names and faces and words and jokes and as I recall I smile though I could easily cry.
I remember, but sometimes I think my memory is skewed. Looking back it seems things were so much easier, so much better somewhere in the past. I look around me now, on nights like tonight with such a feeling of discontentedness. Maybe I am just tired, that is always a danger...I tend to get maudlin when I get tired.
But why is this here and not on another of my blogs where I like to ramble aimlessly and all depressed like? Because of this:
"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us." Romans 8:16
A verse I need to be reminded of. This kind of goes with my previous post. Christ knows the sufferings we go through. The sadness, all of it. But we also must remember to look ahead to the glory yet to be revealed to us and recognize that these present sufferings aren't worth comparing with that.
See, I am suffering. Whether it is simple exhaustion, or perhaps I am longing for things that have passed me by, maybe my life isn't quite adding up, maybe my heart is conflicted and confused, maybe I feel like so much I thought was real may be empty, maybe I am a total mess, all that matters is that none of these present sufferings matter when compared to the love and grace of God. Jesus is all that matters.
And so I may still get maudlin from time to time, and I may still suffer, in fact I am sure I will suffer, but the main goal is just to focus on Christ, as always, and know He is all I need, all that matters.

Friends and Relations

"For because he himself has suffered when tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted." -Hebrews 2:18

I picked this verse among many. Read 1 Peter also as it talks extensively about the suffering of Christ. And also how we are called to share in his sufferings. Because one of the most important aspects of Christ that I often forget, much to my own damage, is that he was human. I think I forget that while he was still wholly God, he "did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped" (Philippians 2:6), and as such he stepped down, humbled himself, and became human. And so he knows. He knows what it is to be a human. He understands pain, loneliness, sadness, betrayal, and all the things we face, and he knows them to a greater degree than we can imagine. He knows the everyday struggles. He can relate to the temptations that are there on a daily basis.
We do not have a God sitting on the clouds sipping wine, oblivious to what it is to be here. He knows. He lived it. He suffered greater than we ever will. He felt every height and depth of emotion. And he faced every temptation yet never sinned.
So first conclusion is that the temptations we face we can overcome through Christ. Yes they are strong temptations and to try and face them alone is foolishness and failure. But we know Christ was able to withstand, and we know that "No temptation has seized you except that which is common to man, and the Lord your God is faithful, and will not tempt you past your ability, but with temptation He will also provide a way to escape, that you may be able to endure it" (1 Corinthians 10:13).
Second conclusion, and the one I forget so often, is that God cares about us. Even the little things. Because He knows what it is like to suffer through the little things. God's plan for our life is perfect. And this extends beyond salvation. God's plan is for all of our life. So when I am feeling brought low by sadness, loneliness, a feeling of desertion or betrayal, worry about tomorrow, etc I can know I have a God who knows how that feels, who can relate, and who cares.
I never want to forget that, because when I do I feel so alone. But we never are. Never. And that is the most amazing knowledge to possess, the most important thing I can feel when I don't have the capacity to feel at all.

Fortunate Son

Excerpts from a novel I am reading:
"But in his heart he knew that she had been right. He still dreamed too much, and-what was worse and far more shameful-he dreamed of the wrong things."
"I am a fortunate man, he told himself. Heaven has smiled upon me, far beyond what I have earned, and I have everything I could want-or nearly so. I must accept these great riches and not ask more, lest I anger god with my greed. I am a fortunate man and I cannot, even in the foolishness of my secret heart, ever forget that."

I am forgetful. Or maybe my memory is just selective on what I keep and what I let slip away until I am left with only the bad things and the things I really ought to remember have been left by the wayside.
I am a dreamer. Quixotic is the best word I have ever heard to describe me. And I know it is the truth. I am a dreamer, plain and simple. To go along with that I am something of a massive pessimist. Is that even possible? I don't know. I am the most fanciful pessimist I know of though. And that ought to be worth something.
So why does any of this matter in the context of God and life? Why am I drawn to these passages? The answer is obvious and plain, but I feel the need to (literally) spell it out.
Greed. That is the only way I can say it. It is an ugly word and an uglier feeling and more so one of the ugliest feelings to be dwelling on. When you lack for nothing yet still feel lacking. When you know that you have everything you need and still want something outside of that. I can sit here and count the blessings I have, and were I to do that I would never do anything but count, as I would need to count every second as each one is a renewal of God's grace and a blessing in itself. I would need to, at some point, move on to count the stars which shine their beauty over me. And so I would begin and end each day with numbers until I end my days with one final blessing that is the end of breath.
For someone to sit here with everything, someone who deserves so much less than nothing, and yet to still want more, I don't know, it makes me sad. That I am not happy with happiness. I am discontent in my contentedness. It is not as though I desire riches or fame, no, the Maltese Falcon has nothing on my desire. But it is a noble pursuit I swear it. Yet it remains elusive and I remain ungrateful. A child with a million new toys, all the best and brightest, but he wants none of them, instead he stands eying the poor boy with a stick and a ball and a smile on his face that he will never know.
"For we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him." -Romans 8:28
"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed." Romans 8:18
And God says "My grace is sufficient for you." -2 Corinthians 12:9
We have before us a gift of unparalleled proportions. We have assurance even that though we might feel suffering in this life it is nothing compared to the greatness that is to come. We have a promise that all things are working for our good. And we know that we need nothing save God's grace.
And yet here I sit, like Jonah. See, I identify with Jonah. Mostly whiny Jonah from chapter four. Jonah is upset at God since he wanted God to destroy the Ninevites. So he plops down on a high hill in the sun and wind, then complains about being wind and sun burnt, God provides relief in the form of a gourd (depending on the translation....I like gourd best), then removes the gourd and Jonah is pissed. In fact, he wants to dies. Let's not forget that in chapter two, as Jonah was near death, he cried out and begged God to spare his life, and now he has such contempt for his situation, feeling sorry for himself, that he no longer wants to live. And sadly I must again admit that I see a touch of me in there.
I make things bad for me. My mistakes, my sin. Sinful by nature, yes, but also by choice. I know I am accountable for them all. So I know if it were up to me I'd be dead right now because I am too stupid or foolish to survive. But God provides. He gives me what I need to live and so much more. Blessed beyond measure. Now, when God chooses to withhold something or take something away, this upsets me.
I ought to know that "Those who seek the Lord lack no good thing (Psalm 34:10)" and "No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly (Psalm 84:11)."
I know these are similar, but I see a slight difference. Not only do I lack no good thing, but if there is something I want that I do not have, that God is withholding, then it must not be a good thing. That is important and I wish I would remember it more often.
Because I am a fortunate man. And I pray that no matter how foolish my heart is, that no matter what I desire deep within me, that I will never forget that.

Ain't No Good In Me

"For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me." Romans 7: 18-20

If there is one thing I am ever sure of, it is that no good dwells within me, that is, in my flesh. Now I will be the first one in any situation to tell you that I am no good. This might be some sort of indication that I am humble or simply that I tend to think lowly of myself. Either way it is helpful in maintaining this attitude and recognizing the truth that is there. I am not good. My flesh is corrupted and nothing good dwells within it.
Now, let's take a moment to realize that there is, in fact, good within me. However, this does not come from me but comes from God. For we know that to those who believe He bestows His Spirit. And I have the Spirit within me and so I know that there is good inside. And from that is the knowledge that there is a possibility of true good to come from me. But again, this does not truly come from me but from the Spirit of God which is within me.
When Paul speaks here he makes the distinction 'in my flesh.' There is no good in the flesh. I think this is important to realize, lest we get sucked into the illusion that it is us who does any good, that it is from ourselves that any good might flow. We need to see that.
But then we move on. "for I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out." First, one important thing I see here is singular first-person pronouns, or to put simply Paul is saying "me" and "I" which is important to note. Because what this implies is that, while I may indeed have desire to do what is good and what is right I cannot. God can. God does. All good things flow forth from Him. But I cannot, alone no one can. We have this desire to be good and to do good, to seek righteousness and truth, but we do not have the ability to do it. We can sit here and lament that fact, hating ourselves for our weakness or trying to atone in some way. Perhaps we take some vow, or attempt to change our lives until we gain that ability to do what is right, but it will never come. Indeed the only way we will ever find a way to fulfill that desire to do what is right is to give it to God and let Him work through us. We do not have the ability to carry out our desires. It is impossible with man, but not with God. With God all things are possible.
"The evil I do not want is what I keep on doing." This part of the verse always gets to me. We hate sin and evil. We despise it and yet that is what we keep on doing. It is a horrible symptom of the fallen condition of humanity, but all we can do is evil. It comes down to the fact that anything that does not proceed from faith is sin (Romans 14:23) and whatever we are doing of our own power is counted in there. We continue to do evil because we continue to forget that all we have and all we are comes from the Lord. That any triumphs we see are His and not ours. We must lean wholly on Him and not at all upon ourselves.
And again we come to the fact it is no longer I who do it but sin that dwells within me. And again I come to the same conclusions as I did before. This is in no way an indication that we are not at fault for our failings. This is an sad and stunning truth that we will all struggle with sin but we need to realize that though the flesh is weak, and in fact useless so far as this is concerned, there is a fight that needs to be had. We have good within us, though not in the flesh, but apart form it, the Spirit who dwells within us with the power that raised Christ from the dead. How much more then shall we fight against our sinful flesh knowing that power is within us? We must never accept it, never grow callous towards our sin, not feeling it and writing it off. We must see it. To see it we must acknowledge the worthlessness of our flesh and anything that is ours alone. Our effort, our pitiful attempt at righteousness, none of it is worth anything. It is the righteousness and obedience of Jesus that saves us. It is his grace and mercy that allow us to be saved. It is not of us. "For I know that nothing good dwells within me, that is, in my flesh." Amen! And I know that all good flows forth from the Lord. So let us praise Him in His magnificence and cast down our idols that we make of ourselves!

Divided Man

"For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh, sold under sin. For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.

So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin." Romans 7: 14-25

This is an amazing and important piece of scripture, one which I have always felt an affinity for. John Piper did seven sermons on these verses. I have decided to attempt to write my thoughts on them in a much shorter time. For now I will tackle the beginning:

"For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh, sold under sin. For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me."

I can't help but feel the reason I am often drawn to these verses is that they are some of the easiest to relate to verses I know of. I love the law. I love the word of God. I feel it deep down within myself that I know in my heart His laws and His word are the single greatest things we can heed. For we know that the law is spiritual. The things God tells us not to do are for our own good. It is so that we are not corrupted and so that we may be more like Him and have our hearts closer to alignment that He gives us these commands. And, despite my foolishness that sometimes makes it seem otherwise, I want nothing more than to do as God tells me to do and grow closer to Him. So I have no trouble relating to Paul as he writes a bit earlier in Romans about how great the law is, and here that we know the law is spiritual. And I also have great ease relating to the statement that, while the law is spiritual I am of the flesh, sold under sin.
Now it is important, I feel, to address the fact that Paul is writing this as a believer. This is a point that is debated often, whether this is Paul speaking as a non-believer, a young believer, or as a believer as he was as he wrote this. And the context that he writes this is very important since it gives the whole thing a different flavor depending on which you believe and can change how you read it. This isn't to say that the main point is different depending on which view you hold. The main point seems to be that we are sinful, by choice and nature, and that it is only through Christ that we can overcome. But for the sake of what I write, know that I subscribe to the view, for a few reasons (all of which are from Piper's sermon(s)). 1) Paul uses personal pronouns so we shall assume he means himself. 2) He declares that that law is good "when he says, "I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man." It's this phrase "inner man" that sounds so much like the way Paul talks about the Christian's real, inner self. And when you put that together with the word "joyfully concur" ("I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man") it sounds to me like Paul's description of his present deep joy in the truth and law of God, not a carnal and superficial and ungodly joy that would be the experience of an unregenerate Pharisee." -Piper. 3) Paul, when talking about himself before his conversion, never talks negatively about himself, he even says that he was perfect as far a Jewish law, only the Paul who came to know Christ admits his sin.
The practical implications of believing this are simple in that it helps us, as believers to know that sin is a part of our being. Indwelling sin, you will here it called. This in no way means that we are to be at peace with sin, with idiotic sayings like "well, sin is within me and so I cannot fight it, so I won't try." Just the opposite. This shows us that we must never rest on our heels, for sin is always at the door waiting for any sign of weakness, waiting for us to ignore Christ just long enough for it to grab hold of us and attempt to drag us down.
This is one of the most difficult things to understand and come to terms with. Sin is still a part of our lives. How can this be? Christ died to set us free from sin. Piper says this: "The other thing that should be deeply rooted in your mind is that, even though a decisive deliverance from the dominion of sin has happened, a final and perfect deliverance from the effects of indwelling sin has not yet happened," which means that while Christ's death on the cross decisively defeated Satan and sin, and it cannot be overturned, the final and perfect victory, the one that will destroy all sin and free us perfectly has not yet come, and will not come until Christ's return. So we know that we who have accepted Christ have assurance of eternal life. But all of us will still admit that we still struggle and still sin.
And we hate it. Which is a big difference between believers and non-believers. I know the days when I am struggling or flat out failing I cannot stand to even look in the mirror. I do the very thing that I hate, and I do hate it. I hate sin so deeply and yet far too often I let it take hold of me. Why? Sin is so deeply a part of us as humans, weak and flawed as we are, that we still let it control us, we still let ourselves be of the flesh and sold under sin.
But Paul tells us, if I agree that the law is good, that is good. Then it is no longer me who sins, but the sin within me. This is interesting, and by that I mean confusing, because on a surface level this could be interpreted to an extent that lets us off the hook. "I didn't fail, that was just indwelling sin." And yet no one ought to be so foolish as to think they can escape the consequence of their sin. For sin does dwell within us. There is no doubt. It is the only reason I can imagine as to why, despite the fact I agree with the law, see my need for it, and love it that I would ever still break it and do so often and willingly. There is sin that is so much a part of our flesh, and we are confined to that flesh in this life, that sin will always be there and it is in our nature for that to appeal to us. We are sinful both by nature and by choice, and the two work together in some hideous beauty of synchronicity to try to destroy us.
So there is a man. We will call him Tory, you know, for the sake on anonymity. And Tory loves the Lord, with all his heart and soul and mind. Tory longs to do what is right, to obey the law of the Lord. Tory longs to do justice, love mercy, walk humbly with the Lord. Indeed his whole will seems to point towards nothing save pleasing the Lord and bringing Him glory. And there is another man, or rather another Tory. The same man, just a different part. A part that, admittedly, the other Tory abhors. This Tory longs for nothing so more than to gratify the desires of the flesh. He wants money and fame, he is greedy, lustful, prideful, a man of flesh. And so we have a divided man. A struggle, because in his mind Tory agrees with the law of the Lord. In his heart he knows it is the best thing in the world and the only thing worth striving for. He loves it. But his flesh continues to sin. He is weak, you see, this divided man. And so it goes, on and on, with this Tory character doing the very thing he hates.
Now, Tory has several options. He could give in, decide that while the law is good and all, the flesh appears to be stronger and give up, beginning to revel in his sin, seeking it out and feeling nothing negative due to it. He could go far the other way, demanding adherence to the law, and so he will put out his eyes, chop off his tongue and hands, and probably cause himself to go deaf in an attempt to adhere to the law through a shear lack of possibilities for evil. Or perhaps he ends up hopeless. He sins and fails again and feels so dejected, like such a failure that he avoids the mirror because when he looks into that glass he feels such loathing, not simply towards the sin within himself, but for himself as a whole. And in this anger, this hatred he gives up, feels this is a hopeless struggle, and ties a rope to a tree or takes out a revolver and gives up in the most ultimate of fashions.
Or he can realize something of great importance. That his guilt or innocence, his purity and holiness do not, in fact, come from the law. The law is good, there is no doubt of that. The law is there for our own good, that we adhere to it benefits us. But it does not justify us! Only Christ can be our justification. The law is great in that it reveals our sin, shows us our weakness so we can give it to Christ and rely on His strength to overcome!
I went through stages as a young believer, and it was around a year ago that I went through this one, of an intimate feeling of indwelling sin, falling over and over into the same sins. I felt hopeless, worthless, like I was a failure and was the single worst Christian ever to the point I avoided mirrors because the hatred I saw in my own eyes as they looked at me scared me. The hopelessness failed me. It was one of the greatest revelations I ever had to to realize that the fact I hated sin so much was a good thing. That my hatred was misplaced. It was not me who does it, but the sin within me. This passage is not about being okay with sinning because indwelling sin exists. It is about recognizing that sin within you and hating it and fighting it. It is not the law that justifies us, but Christ.
As I said, this is one of the most important pieces of scripture I have come across. More will follow in the coming days. Until then, God bless.

Bitter Draught

"Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice." Ephesians 4:31

"See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no "root of bitterness" springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled; that no one is sexually immoral or unholy like Esau, who sold his birthright for a single meal. For you know that afterward, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no chance to repent, though he sought it with tears." Hebrews 12: 15-17

*Note: this is a subject near to my heart as it is one of the things I struggle with so regularly, so keep that in mind as I use collective nouns I am speaking off of my own experiences, not simply theoretically.*
Bitterness is a poison that we let infect us so easily. To grow bitter is natural, and unfortunately so much easier than the alternative, which is forgiveness. How does this bitterness come about? First there is wrongdoing, or perhaps not even real wrongdoing, but a perceived wrongdoing. Either way, someone is upset. And then those feelings go on unresolved until the hurt and the anger burrow down deep and end up as bitterness, infecting and corrupting all of a person. With perceived wrongs it is worse, because you become upset about something and the other person has no idea why you are upset, and thusly they will not apologize, as indeed in their mind there is no need to. And so you let your anger build, wondering why they care so little how they have made you feel. With other, actual wrongs, there are also complications. If someone knows they upset you but refuses to apologize, then it is very easy to become more and more upset, and then bitter as those angry feelings build and compound on one another. Or maybe they are sorry, and they say it, but you still demand your rights. We all have a right to be upset when something is done to us, or at least we love to think we have that right. And that is a right we like to cling to. Because there is that lingering feeling, the pain of the hurt, that still stings even if we are apologized to. There is still hurt there, so there are still feelings of anger. And so we keep it, deep within, letting ourselves become bitter. And that bitterness destroys us, our relationships with those around us, and more importantly, destroying our relationship with God.
Let bitterness be put away from you. This is Paul's command in Ephesians. He lumps bitterness with wrath and anger and malice. None of these are positive things for cultivating a relationship. We are told that if we go to pray and realize we have something against our brother we are to go and forgive him before we pray. So okay, if I am bitter, I am obviously holding something against someone. And if I am doing that, then I am not in the right state of mind or heart that will be positive to my relationship with God. And of course the only thing that will end bitterness is forgiveness. And the only way to forgive is through the strength of God.
That "root of bitterness" is always at ready to spring up if only we give it the tiniest opportunity to. Because bitterness is so easy to cultivate and so easily can destroy us or at least lead us so far astray, it is a perfect weapon of the enemy. Especially if you are like me, and due to personal issues or problems it is somewhat easier to assume the worst of people, perhaps even inventing issues over which to be concerned and upset, and therefore find bitterness to be a nearly constant threat. Bitterness and (perceived) enmity threaten to destroy relationships all the time. I cannot begin to count the times I have begged God to destroy the bitterness in my heart, the growing anger and hatred that is so easy to feel when that bitter root has taken hold. It is a feeling I dread and hate, but all too often I choose to keep it, because forgiveness is too hard.
Why? Why do we hate to forgive? I think I touched on it earlier. We love to hold onto that hurt. We revel in it. Because it gives us a reason to be angry. We want people to apologize, over and over, when they hurt us. How often does someone bring up something from the past, something you thought you had made amends for? It is because there is still hurt there. Now, forgiving does not mean that the hurt, the pain, will disappear. The pain may never go away, but forgiving means that you don't hold onto the feelings that pain induces. The anger and hatred, the things that make you want to inflict pain back upon the ones who have hurt you. We will need to bear our scars, but we need not be bitter. It is an important distinction, between forgiving and forgetting. No one ever said we have to forget. But we cannot revel in that pain, and by that I mean we cannot continue to hold those feelings against someone if we say we forgive them, we have to let the anger go, even if the pain won't ever die. And that is hard, because there seems to be every right to our anger and our demand for amends to be made.
But forgiveness is the calling we have been called to. Love. We are commanded to forgive others as God, in Christ, has forgiven us. God does not hold it against us that before Christ all we did was sin and spit in His face and have enmity between us. He forgave us. And in that we see hope. Because if He can forgive us for that, and have no bitterness, and He has given us His spirit, then we too can forgive fully. If God can forgive me for hating Him, I can forgive anyone for anything done to me, and mean it. Which means that bitterness has no natural soil in which to let the "bitter root" grow. In our new selves there is no room for that. We let it in, we cultivate it on our own when we forget the truth of the love of God in Christ. We choose to ignore the grace we are given, and with that refuse to give any out. Whether the person apologizes or not, we need to forgive. God loved us even as we were still sinners. Apart from anything we ever done or ever would do He chose us and forgave us. We never apologized to Him when He showed us His irresistible grace and called us. We need to love as Christ loves us and forgive as we are forgiven.
And in that there is no room for being bitter. Bitterness will destroy us, slowly corrupting and rotting us from the inside out until there is nothing left but a bitter husk of a person, a shell of something that used to be whole. It is a killer. It affects so many other areas of life as you become cynical and full of anger and hatred.
So the command is one that must be heeded. See to it that no bitter root takes hold of you. Put bitterness away from you. If you see it and feel it coming do whatever it takes. Figure out what is happening to make you feel that way and forgive them. Talk to them. Tell them what you feel. I have had to have a few awkward "I've been bitter about something between us" conversations the past few months, and they aren't fun, but they are amazing. They are freeing. Life is too short to be angry and to let it fester, letting bitterness consume you. It is too precious to demean with that. We need to learn to let it go. Love is so much more freeing than bitterness. I promise. Beg God to strengthen you that forgiveness would come natural to you. It is not easy. But, like so much else, the easies route is not the best route sometimes. But of course, it is worth it.

Reflections

So a few weeks back I was able to speak in front of my church here in Grand Haven. This is a loose transcript of what I said. Fun side note, our church used to be really stodgy and old fashioned, very traditional, and I was the first person ever to give the sermon who wasn't a pastor. A fun departure from the usual :)

1 Timothy 4: 10 "For to this end we toil and strive, because we have our hope set on the living god, who is the savior of all people." and
"Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. But how are they to call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in Him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching? And how are they to preach unless they are sent?" Romans 10: 13-15. This passage was on my heart about eight weeks ago as I was commissioned here by Tim and prepared to go to Istanbul Turkey for the summer. I went on a summer project with Campus Crusade for Christ. That first line, Everyone who calls on the name of the lord will be saved. This is a theme that I will continue to come back to, and that is that all people, everywhere, need to hear the gospel and need to know Christ. This seems a basic principal, but it is easy to forget. My thought process for going to Turkey instead of taking another opportunity to go on a different project somewhere in the united states, was that it is a field ripe for harvest, but so few laborers compared to other places.
I am going to try and approach this from a few different directions. First I am going to be talking about Turkey specifically, since that is obviously the area I know. I also want to touch on missions and evangelism in any place. Last I need to mention a few things God opened my eyes to as I was there serving Him that I came to recognize as essential for an intentional life of fulfilling the great commission. But we'll get to that in a bit.
Doing full-time missions in Turkey is difficult. It is not easy. You have to learn quick to adapt. Not only to the culture, but an entirely new attitude towards doing evangelism. Maybe I have been spoiled coming up in Campus Crusade with our yearly trips to Panama City Beach and Indianapolis, talking to people about Christ, and having many people come to know him and accept him as their savior. Turkey is not like that at all. Our focus was to go onto campuses in Istanbul and talk to students, building relationships, and ultimately turning the conversations to spiritual things and hopefully being able to share the fullness of the gospel. Simple right? You have to learn almost immediately that a victory is to go out in faith and do as the Lord commanded. If you have a day, and I had plenty, where you are out for 5 hours trying to talk to people and not get anywhere, you have to know that you did as you were commanded and that that is a good day, a day you were faithful. If you try and think of things in terms of conversions you are going to be crushed. It's a tricky place. Istanbul is such a modern city. You can go into a store and buy a coke. They have iPhones, PlayStation's, skyscrapers, if you aren't paying attention it might seem like a mini-America in some ways. But right below the surface is such a dark undercurrent. Turks have a line on their identification cards that labels them as Muslims. They all believe in God. They have so many false notions about Christianity that they have grown up hearing as truth and have adopted those ideas and in their minds they're real. They are so lost. In America I think we have a much easier time. Most people don't know anything about God or Christianity. That is to say they don't have too rigid a set of beliefs. Many people in America are able to recognize they are not fulfilled or not on the right track. Turks are trying to earn their way to heaven. Islam teaches that good deeds are weighed against bad deeds on a cosmic scale and whichever side wins out determines where you go, heaven or hell. They believe in one God, like Christians, they believe this God is all powerful, merciful, just, etc. They believe Jesus existed, that his teachings should be kept. They acknowledge the Bible is the word of God. Islam is so similar to Christianity and it is something that is so tough to deal with. The big difference is in who Jesus is. They believe he was a prophet, but that Mohamed was the ultimate prophet and the Koran is the final word of God. They do not believe that Jesus' death and Resurrection did anything. And that is the obstacle we face. Well, one of them. Missionaries are frowned upon in Turkey, and so we have to be secretive. We can not go up to students and ask them if they want to talk to us about Jesus or any "traditional" evangelism. So we need to be very careful. The students would not trust us if we walk up to them and immediately try to bring up Christ. To them, missionaries are people who pay others to convert to Christianity and who want to overthrow the government. So to get past this we need to build trust. Most Turks assume since we are Americans that we are christian. But they assume we are like most Americans and that it doesn't matter to us. So we build relationships and friendships, with the hope that we can tell them the truth as a friend. They told us when we got to Istanbul, "These people don't need more friends. They need a friend who can point them to Jesus." And it is so true. But it still isn't easy. There are people who have been friends of crusade people for years and still never accept Christ. Some people, when they eventually find out what we are as missionaries, they disappear and will not answer texts. Others, it may seem like God is working in them, changing them, opening them to the truth of His gospel, only to see no fruit for so long. Turkey has something like 20 million people. Of that, there are about 3-5000 known believers. Let that sink in a minute. 3-5000 out of 20 million. We have to believe God has people in that city, in that nation. The field is ripe. The harvest is ready. There just aren't enough laborers. So, I am back, but please don't stop praying for Turkey. This place is a bridge between Europe and Asia. It is a gateway to the middle east. It is a place with a desperate need for the gospel. There are people there, full-time, working for the Lord, spreading his way. Turkish believers with Crusade. Pray for them, pray for more to be raised up, and perhaps even consider supporting them financially. These people do not have the luxury of friends and family to ask for money. They are abhorred by former friends and disowned by family. So keep praying for them and for turkey.
Jesus gave us an incredibly tough command, to go and make disciples of all nations, in the great commission. I also am reminded of the parable of the sewer who went out and threw seed all over. Both of these start with important verbs. "go" and "went out." This is why evangelism is so hard, and I believe why it is ignored so often in the church. It is hard. You have to be intentional with it. Being intentional about something that is not always comfortable to talk about. Being bold about something that some people are not going to like. 2 Corinthians tells us that we are spreading the fragrance of the gospel, and it will smell of death to some. But we are called, all of us, to go and do it. In the great commission the word "go" might also be translated to mean "as you go," or "as you are going." I am not saying that everyone needs to quit their jobs and move to China and become a missionary. I am not saying we need to go door to door with little booklets of 4 easy steps to salvation. What I am saying is that in our daily lives we all interact with non-believers. With people who NEED the gospel, who need Christ, who are going to hell. It angers me that we live in this post-modern age of political correctness where no one seems to want to talk about hell. The fact is that people around us, people we love are on a path to hell and we may be the only people in their lives who can show them the way. We may be the only instrument God has placed in their life to tell them the gospel. If we do not have hearts that break for the lost, and a true sense of urgency, then this command will never be fulfilled, never be heeded. Now, don't think I am speaking as any sort of professional. I spent seven weeks in Turkey, and in that time I learned that I do not have the gift of evangelism. I am just not that good at it, not really that comfortable with it in certain situations. But that does not mean I am not also called to spread the gospel. As 2 timothy 4:5 tells us, "be sober-minded, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist." We are all called by the great commission Christ gave. We are all told to do the work of an evangelist. This can be a scary thought. I love that this church has made evangelism a priority in the past year. It is the ultimate purpose for our existence. We exist to bring God glory, and what brings him more glory than for us to fill our lives, our hearts, our minds, and our words with him, telling of his glory and grace, and ultimately leading others who did not acknowledge him as lord to see him as we do?
This seems scary, because if you are like me at all you realize that you are not good at things like this, and this seems like an awfully big thing to be entrusted with. Luckily we really don't have to do anything. Christ, before his ascension, tells the disciples to wait until the spirit comes upon them before going out. Then when the spirit comes upon peter in Acts he preaches the gospel and many believe. God does not just tell us to go and good luck. He sends us out with His holy spirit. 1 Corinthians 1 has Paul telling us he came only to preach the gospel, and he did that not with words of eloquent wisdom, lest the cross be emptied of its power. And also, Paul says "I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified." It really is that simple. I know I sometimes wonder what I am going to say, how I can convince people I am telling them the truth. But that is all wrong. Nothing you say will convert anyone. Let me repeat this because it is important for a correct view of evangelism. Nothing you say will convince anyone to accept Christ. All you can do is tell them about Jesus, tell them the truth, and let the power of God work in their hearts and He will convert them, He will save them. We are humble tools. A vessel through which the Word of life may flow. It took me some time to figure that out. But it is key, because that is the view of evangelism that is needed. We need to have all faith in Christ and no faith in ourselves. We need to acknowledge that it is all about God, about the death of Christ, and nothing else. We need to have faith.
One of the most difficult passages I have come across in scripture is the last sentence in Romans chapter 14 which reads: "For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin." That statement is staggering. Everything that is done apart from faith is sin. It is a verse that is key to showing why we need a savior, why all the "good people" of the world who do good things are still going to hell without Christ, because even a good deed, if it does not proceed from faith, is sin. So coming to church might be sin, going out to a campus to spread the gospel may be done in sin. God impressed this on my heart over the summer, that f I get upset, distraught and discouraged, and lose faith, if I obey his command and "do the right thing" without any faith, then it is still sin. That doesn't mean God can't use it, because He can, but it does mean that I am sinning even when I do the things I am supposed to. So the right view of God, this faith, is so important.
The other major thing God placed on my heart this summer is the right attitude of heart that evangelism requires. This applies to all people at all times in all situations, whether missionaries in the far east or just a christian in the work force talking to their co-workers. There has to be love. 1 Corinthians 13: 1-3 rocked me this summer. It says "If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing." To me these are some of the most powerful words in the Bible. Colossians 3: 12-14 adds "Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive. AND ABOVE ALL THESE PUT ON LOVE which holds everything together in perfect harmony." Love, above all else! This blows my mind. Paul speaks of some of the major spiritual gifts, tongues and prophecy, he talks of faith to move mountains, he mentions being burned, martyred, forgiving as God forgives. And over all these he tells us we need love. Without love we are useless, a loud gong or clanging cymbals, good for nothing but annoyance. Without love we are nothing, we gain nothing. My first few weeks in Istanbul I looked at my heart after reading this and realized that I was there not out of love for the people or the gospel, but because God told me to go and I obeyed. I was there out of obligation and dedication. Now, we need to obey, but we ought to obey out of love. I came to realize I loved god enough to do what he told me to do even if I didn't want to, but to me that wasn't good enough. We need to love like god loves, to have that deep of love. I wanted to love god to the point our hearts were one, that mine would break as His does for the lost, that I would love him so much that it was the most natural thing in the world to talk about him. If evangelism is a chore or a duty done out of obligation God can still use it, god is good at that and he is bigger than us. But we gain nothing from it. We become nothing. The heart of evangelism is love. To love all people as they are made in God's image. To understand it pains god to see them in their rebellion. To love them enough to tell them of the gospel, the only hope they have. To want to save them from that torment. If that isn't the heart you have, you end up clanging emptily like a gong. I struggled with that all summer, and every day I prayed god would open my heart, fill me with his spirit, and let my heart be filled with love and that I would go in that love and nothing else. And he is faithful and answered.
"I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes." Romans 1:16 The power of god, bringing salvation to all who believe. Which brings us back to the beginning, to Romans 10. How are they to believe without hearing, hear without someone preaching. How can they preach without being sent? We have all been sent. Christ commissioned us to be making disciples as we go. All around are people who need Him. It will look different for everyone. Some have the means and ability to up and leave and go overseas and be a missionary. Some have been called to the workforce. Some to school. People everywhere need the gospel. People in Turkey, people in America, in Africa and Asia and everywhere. It is up to us. We are God's chosen means of spreading his word. He does not send us alone, but gives us his spirit. It is up to us to be bold and courageous speaking the gospel in all boldness and clarity. To let all we do proceed from faith and be grounded and rooted in love. Ephesians 5 says "Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of time, for the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the lord it." The will of god is that we go and do the work of an evangelist. The will of the lord is that we have faith in Him and go out in that faith sewing seed. The days are evil, of that there is no question in my mind, so the question becomes "are we making the bast use of time?" How many conversations do I let slip by, how many of my friends are on a path to hell because I am too chicken to say something? I am learning this as I go, seeing how far I still have to go. But God can use us if we are willing to let him. I said one day "god, use me as you see fit," and he told me to go to turkey. While there we saw no one come to Christ, maybe watered a few seeds, and you know what, that is enough, that is a victory. I urge you all to look at your days. Are you making the best use of the time. Are you being bold with the gospel. Do you trust God to use you. You don't need to know anything but Jesus Christ and him crucified. That God loves us, but we, in our sin, have earned death and separation from him. You only need to know that it is through Christ, his death that we can be saved, and that making that choice and accepting Christ is the only way to be saved, the only thing in life that matters. It is for this reason we toil and strive. So, as you are going through your life, out into wherever your week takes you, go. Make disciples. You have Christ, you know the truth, you have the one true hope. Share it with those around you. Beg the lord to change your heart to love them and to break for those who are lost. Beg him to change your life that it would pain you not to share that hope with them. He will answer. And then, being rooted in love, and proceeding from faith, we can finally understand what the will of the lord is, do the work of an evangelist as we are commanded, and give God glory. Lets pray.