Bitter Draught

"Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice." Ephesians 4:31

"See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no "root of bitterness" springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled; that no one is sexually immoral or unholy like Esau, who sold his birthright for a single meal. For you know that afterward, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no chance to repent, though he sought it with tears." Hebrews 12: 15-17

*Note: this is a subject near to my heart as it is one of the things I struggle with so regularly, so keep that in mind as I use collective nouns I am speaking off of my own experiences, not simply theoretically.*
Bitterness is a poison that we let infect us so easily. To grow bitter is natural, and unfortunately so much easier than the alternative, which is forgiveness. How does this bitterness come about? First there is wrongdoing, or perhaps not even real wrongdoing, but a perceived wrongdoing. Either way, someone is upset. And then those feelings go on unresolved until the hurt and the anger burrow down deep and end up as bitterness, infecting and corrupting all of a person. With perceived wrongs it is worse, because you become upset about something and the other person has no idea why you are upset, and thusly they will not apologize, as indeed in their mind there is no need to. And so you let your anger build, wondering why they care so little how they have made you feel. With other, actual wrongs, there are also complications. If someone knows they upset you but refuses to apologize, then it is very easy to become more and more upset, and then bitter as those angry feelings build and compound on one another. Or maybe they are sorry, and they say it, but you still demand your rights. We all have a right to be upset when something is done to us, or at least we love to think we have that right. And that is a right we like to cling to. Because there is that lingering feeling, the pain of the hurt, that still stings even if we are apologized to. There is still hurt there, so there are still feelings of anger. And so we keep it, deep within, letting ourselves become bitter. And that bitterness destroys us, our relationships with those around us, and more importantly, destroying our relationship with God.
Let bitterness be put away from you. This is Paul's command in Ephesians. He lumps bitterness with wrath and anger and malice. None of these are positive things for cultivating a relationship. We are told that if we go to pray and realize we have something against our brother we are to go and forgive him before we pray. So okay, if I am bitter, I am obviously holding something against someone. And if I am doing that, then I am not in the right state of mind or heart that will be positive to my relationship with God. And of course the only thing that will end bitterness is forgiveness. And the only way to forgive is through the strength of God.
That "root of bitterness" is always at ready to spring up if only we give it the tiniest opportunity to. Because bitterness is so easy to cultivate and so easily can destroy us or at least lead us so far astray, it is a perfect weapon of the enemy. Especially if you are like me, and due to personal issues or problems it is somewhat easier to assume the worst of people, perhaps even inventing issues over which to be concerned and upset, and therefore find bitterness to be a nearly constant threat. Bitterness and (perceived) enmity threaten to destroy relationships all the time. I cannot begin to count the times I have begged God to destroy the bitterness in my heart, the growing anger and hatred that is so easy to feel when that bitter root has taken hold. It is a feeling I dread and hate, but all too often I choose to keep it, because forgiveness is too hard.
Why? Why do we hate to forgive? I think I touched on it earlier. We love to hold onto that hurt. We revel in it. Because it gives us a reason to be angry. We want people to apologize, over and over, when they hurt us. How often does someone bring up something from the past, something you thought you had made amends for? It is because there is still hurt there. Now, forgiving does not mean that the hurt, the pain, will disappear. The pain may never go away, but forgiving means that you don't hold onto the feelings that pain induces. The anger and hatred, the things that make you want to inflict pain back upon the ones who have hurt you. We will need to bear our scars, but we need not be bitter. It is an important distinction, between forgiving and forgetting. No one ever said we have to forget. But we cannot revel in that pain, and by that I mean we cannot continue to hold those feelings against someone if we say we forgive them, we have to let the anger go, even if the pain won't ever die. And that is hard, because there seems to be every right to our anger and our demand for amends to be made.
But forgiveness is the calling we have been called to. Love. We are commanded to forgive others as God, in Christ, has forgiven us. God does not hold it against us that before Christ all we did was sin and spit in His face and have enmity between us. He forgave us. And in that we see hope. Because if He can forgive us for that, and have no bitterness, and He has given us His spirit, then we too can forgive fully. If God can forgive me for hating Him, I can forgive anyone for anything done to me, and mean it. Which means that bitterness has no natural soil in which to let the "bitter root" grow. In our new selves there is no room for that. We let it in, we cultivate it on our own when we forget the truth of the love of God in Christ. We choose to ignore the grace we are given, and with that refuse to give any out. Whether the person apologizes or not, we need to forgive. God loved us even as we were still sinners. Apart from anything we ever done or ever would do He chose us and forgave us. We never apologized to Him when He showed us His irresistible grace and called us. We need to love as Christ loves us and forgive as we are forgiven.
And in that there is no room for being bitter. Bitterness will destroy us, slowly corrupting and rotting us from the inside out until there is nothing left but a bitter husk of a person, a shell of something that used to be whole. It is a killer. It affects so many other areas of life as you become cynical and full of anger and hatred.
So the command is one that must be heeded. See to it that no bitter root takes hold of you. Put bitterness away from you. If you see it and feel it coming do whatever it takes. Figure out what is happening to make you feel that way and forgive them. Talk to them. Tell them what you feel. I have had to have a few awkward "I've been bitter about something between us" conversations the past few months, and they aren't fun, but they are amazing. They are freeing. Life is too short to be angry and to let it fester, letting bitterness consume you. It is too precious to demean with that. We need to learn to let it go. Love is so much more freeing than bitterness. I promise. Beg God to strengthen you that forgiveness would come natural to you. It is not easy. But, like so much else, the easies route is not the best route sometimes. But of course, it is worth it.