Discontent

I remember an airplane. I was lying against the window. Finished watching Run Fatboy Run and done sleeping through 21. I remember looking out the window from several thousand feet in the air, looking down at Greenland. I recall scribbling emotion down on what would turn out to be three pages of paper, telling someone how much she meant to me and how much I was going to miss her. I remember the bright white of snow so far below. The pools of glacial blue water nestled here and there to break of the monotony of purity. And I remember thinking how much simpler life would be down there.
I remember back farther, a modest proposal. A ghost of a hope of a girl with flowers in her hair. A life that could have been so much simpler had it worked out, and we would have gone and never looked back.
I remember sunsets over mosques over a river in the middle of summer. Days and nights that seemed like they would never end.
But mostly I remember looking down from so far above at the blankets of snow. I remember feeling somewhere in those moments that it was all real, and it was over. And I remember hating it. I remember spending a week in isolation, trying to deny it, to prevent moving on. I recall names and faces and words and jokes and as I recall I smile though I could easily cry.
I remember, but sometimes I think my memory is skewed. Looking back it seems things were so much easier, so much better somewhere in the past. I look around me now, on nights like tonight with such a feeling of discontentedness. Maybe I am just tired, that is always a danger...I tend to get maudlin when I get tired.
But why is this here and not on another of my blogs where I like to ramble aimlessly and all depressed like? Because of this:
"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us." Romans 8:16
A verse I need to be reminded of. This kind of goes with my previous post. Christ knows the sufferings we go through. The sadness, all of it. But we also must remember to look ahead to the glory yet to be revealed to us and recognize that these present sufferings aren't worth comparing with that.
See, I am suffering. Whether it is simple exhaustion, or perhaps I am longing for things that have passed me by, maybe my life isn't quite adding up, maybe my heart is conflicted and confused, maybe I feel like so much I thought was real may be empty, maybe I am a total mess, all that matters is that none of these present sufferings matter when compared to the love and grace of God. Jesus is all that matters.
And so I may still get maudlin from time to time, and I may still suffer, in fact I am sure I will suffer, but the main goal is just to focus on Christ, as always, and know He is all I need, all that matters.